[And when he closes his mouth again, they're still there. You cannot unsee.]

LMAO [he just spelt that out], I love it how you think I can do that.

[Wow Sollux, you're such a neeeeeeerd.]

What, turn the smug down a notch? Is it really that hard?

[Yes, yes it is, and she knows from experience.]

[You say this as if the fact wasn't written right across his forehead.]

It's physically impossible. The greatest Alternian minds have tried for years, and yet no power has ever come close to testing the resilience of the lispy mutant asshole.

[She's trying to be nice about it.]

Wow. I'd say that's impressive, but I dated the world's smuggest jerk, so at the most, that's just kind of an achievement. Feel kinda bad for those science-types though.

I can out-smug him.

[Smugly.]

[Envy chuckles again.]

It'd be a showdown for the ages, that's for sure.

Tickets on sale now.

On sale and going fast, huh?

Selling like grubcakes.

Well, I hope I don't need to get tickets.

Oh no, you get in free.

Good- I'd hate to miss the whole event just because I couldn't get a ticket in time.

Still gotta get there.

It's probably going to be so badass, we'll have it on top of Mt. Silver.

I can manage that much, believe me.

You wanna bet?

A bet? What for? It's just a mountain.

Heh... you're in Violet City. Not all the routes are that simple.

Kid, I played this game before you could hold a gameboy. I've got this, trust me.

I played this game before you were born.

[And for once, he's telling the truth. He did.]

[Sadly, Envy is not up on inter-universe temporal mechanics.]

Pretty sure that's not actually possible.

Do you know how Earth was created?

Running theory at the moment is this thing called the Big Bang, I dunno maybe you've heard about it.


...don't tell me you know how the universe was actually created.

What caused the Big Bang?

I dunno, the heated expansion and subsequent cooling of a dense universal component? Or something like that. Why?

Okay. So I could go on forever about what caused that and what caused that and whatever.

But the short answer is, the little pocket of components used to create the Earth was generated by a program in an arcane space-altering coding language, and it's called Sburb. Or Sgrub, I guess, which was the name I gave it to differentiate it from the original code. One way or another, I translated it from a shitton of old runes, and that's how the Earth was born.

And a few years before I did that, I played the troll equivalent of Pokémon on my Game Grub.

So yeah.

Before you were born.